This is a somewhat edited article from 2011. In 2011 I still thought that I can upgrade the DNA of every person on the planet.
The capacity of caring is new to humanity. On September 4 less than a handful of people had it.
So what is this capacity ‘caring’ that we give lip service to, but we lie when we do that?
Let me tell you how I came to have it some 10 years ago:
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Depression
Depression is a stuck state. A limbo.
Stuck in all or nothing.
Whether it is low grade or higher, it is still depression.
It is not a bad mood, although laughing becomes less joyful and less frequent.
Flailing, like I said in another article is frequent… trying to grab onto some stuff that isn’t going down like everything else.
I have been depressed now for a few weeks now. It became unmistakable yesterday.
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Clarity is power… Unclarity traps you. Makes you stuck.
I have lived in three countries.
I was pretty in the first country. And I was normal in the second. And I have been mostly exotic and ugly in the third.
Because what you are most used to, what is like what you saw as a child is what is pleasing to you. Even though philosophers have defined beauty through and through… and yet.
Why am I writing about this now?
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The art and science of getting unstuck… aka ALLOWING
Can I really promise that I’ll take you to freedom? That I can take you to unstuck and moving?
It may be that I have bit off more than I can chew.
This feeling of being stuck, maybe even being trapped, the inability to move, the feeling that there is no place to go…
I just got this email from the Author of Feelings, and Words, and recently of Worlds…
From my vantage point, this ‘being stuck’ is a symptom of ‘need for effective action’ is a real need that for most people is unfulfilled. When we want to move somewhere, but we don’t see that we can, we don’t see that we are allowed, we don’t see that we have enough talent or enough energy to do so. ~ Margoczi
The way he says it: the lack of movement, even though there is sense that movement is needed. Needed by the person, not the circumstance.
That ‘I am not at the right place, not doing the right thing’ feeling. Horrible… devastating.
The feelings is that we can’t do what we would need to do because the freedom to do is missing. Or the talent and ability is missing. Or the energy to do what we’d like to do is missing.
His message adds a lot of shades to this whole topic of ‘stuck’.
And you can see, his message adds to the feeling that we are not free. No matter how many degrees we have, no matter how many companies we own, no matter who our spouse is… The feeling is that we are somehow entrapped by all those missings… like Gulliver in Lilliput got entrapped by those flimsy threads.
None of the threads that holds us hostage is strong enough, but the many threads seem to tie up securely to the ‘trap’.
My hunch is that my challenge isn’t to see that it all goes back to the need to be special and unique. My challenge, I think, will be to make you see it.
That as long as you think that real, as long as you think that valid, I cannot help you. I cannot help you to liberate yourself. To do what you see fit to do. To see that all those threads you blame that hold you back are not real. That for someone who isn’t special, who doesn’t entertain the idea that they should already know something they don’t, of be already somewhere where they aren’t BECAUSE they are special, for someone like that it is no problem to do what they see to do.
One student who years ago allowed me to guide her to do collages, really elaborate collages to activate her Sight capacity writes today:
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Dear Sophie,
I have been seeing wrong, especially wrong because I don’t know things. I am learning to set up new machines. My mentor/trainer said to my boss that I learn differently from her previous student. Slower. I am slower. I made it wrong. But looking at it, when it is wrong, I don’t want to review and work at it. It tangles me up, in wrongness and judgement, because I should know how to do it.
So I said, I don’t know how to do it, someone else was faster. My internal dialogue ‘Well fuck them. I am almost 62 and I has the guts to
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I learned to drive with manual transmission. there were no automatic shifts cars in Hungary at the time. Are there now? I have no idea.
I drove my first automatic in Israel. But even though it was automatic, I shifted back when we were climbing the mountain Jerusalem sits on. A steep serpentine road winding up the mountain with plenty of switchbacks. Not perfect for automatic transmission.
Jerusalem sits on a 2474 feet (754 meters above sea level). So I shifted back to second gear.
Driving that way made for a smoother ride.
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%CONTENT%
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You want to know your vibration. Or if I want to be more precise, your EGO wants to know. It’s a curiosity thing. It doesn’t have anything to do with anything else. Novelty, exciting, fleeting.
And you should want to know. Knowing where you are is mandatory if you want to get anywhere else. No map will do you any good unless you know where to put the big X on the map: here I am. Or sometimes:
‘Darn… here I am. I thought I was somewhere else…’
If you ever tried to meditate. If you are a ‘meditator’. And if the idea of meditation brings up bile to your throat… like for me.
OK who else? Oh, those who couldn’t give a shriveled nut for the idea of mediation… so all people…
The only thing meditation wants you to do is to look within. You spend almost all your life looking outward, and have no idea about what is inside.
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If you want to become more, grow, evolve, self awareness is important. But it is not enough. Meditation is not enough. Having a person to model yourself after is not enough. Reading is not enough. Understanding is not enough.
Something is missing, the presence of which would make the most difference, and could take you through the barrier to full knowledge of your machine.
What machine, you ask?
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I discovered yesterday on my weekly podcast with Bonnie that unless a client knows what is the method behind what I do, they consider me rude, uncaring, untrustworthy, and hurtful.
Ugh.
So I am putting it now out there, in an organized fashion: my methodology.
Two parts, this is part one.
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